Tuesday, August 24, 2010

3 Days

4 days. I keep saying this over and over in my head. Just 4 days left. Am I ready? Absolutely not. Am I excited? Nope, scared out of my mind.

You would think, after doing this 5 times already this would be a cake walk for me. But honestly, after just having a baby just 11 months ago, well, lets just say it puts everything in fast perspective. YOU REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!! The pain, the worry, the anxious feeling. I am mostly 100% scared to death of two things. The "what if something goes wrong" and "the epidural". Scared really isn't the word to best describe how I am feeling. More like, gut choking, can't breath, need and want to run away kind of feeling. When I had the epidural with Ezme, it was the worse possible thing I have gone through. The pain was horrid, I begged hubby through my sobs and tears that I just wanted to go home. I was miserable, sore and angry. So this of course is coming all back to me.

The other thing that I am worried about. Is the fact that all the rooms, except for two are middle or *inner* rooms. Meaning its four walls and a door. No windows. I cannot do this. The thought of having a room without a window will literally put me over the edge. So I am praying, praying hard that I will be lucky enough to get a room with windows. So please, if you read this, would you say a little prayer for me that this will happen. Because honestly, I don't think I can handle being in a small room (and small I mean 10x10 or less) with no windows. I will cry buckets and run away. And trust me, I am known for doing that when things get to much for me.

So right now, I have 4 more days of worry. 4 more days of cleaning, organizing and trying to prepare my mind as best as I can. 4 more days to try hard not to loose it completely. But its hard to feel confident and excited when you have a poor hubby who is stressing so much I am waiting for him to ooze brain matter. A wife who is scared out of her witts end and still is worried this little man is coming home without a name. And kiddos who are so excited for the upcoming *TOUCH A TRUCK WEEKEND* that they really could care less about anything else going on.

There you have it folks, in a nut shell. Our crazy crazy family. But honestly, who could ask for anything better. Even if we are all a little out of life lately.


  1. I can't believe you will have two babies under a year old! What happened with your epidural?

    I'll say a prayer that you get a room with a view - hopefully there is no full moon bringing all the babies out :)

    Good luck!

  2. My epidural was a nightmare. I have scoliosis and very little room between the vertebra to put the cath in. So everything hurts 100% more then usual. The people who put it in have very little patience and are not nice at all, so it makes the process that much more horrific for me. Nothing like them telling you to stay still, be quiet, stop crying, when your having contractions and them putting the stuff in hurts. Horrid experience. Just horrid.

  3. kiley, Did you have an epidural with the other children or just with Ezme? Either way, you have given birth before. Your body and your baby know what to do. Yeah labor it hurts, thats why they call it "labor" and not something else, like "paradise". At the end of all that pain though will be your beautiful little boy. Lots of prayers for you and everyone.

    Is there any one thing that can help you feel relaxed? A hot bath? Quiet music? Whatever it is, do it whenever you can.

  4. Yup, I have had an epidural with all 5 kiddos. Sadly though, depending on who is actually doing it, will depend on how well its done. I have had some really bad ones. But Ezme, by far, was the worse.

    Because I have inductions with pitocin, the pain, is extreme. Let's just say, the pain you went through with a natural childbirth, times that by a million. That's basically what it feels like. And because I can no longer even attempt to go "naturally" if I wanted too, the induction is all I have.

    Bath tubs are not an option at Woman and Infants and neither is the shower. Unless you are having a true natural labor. And even those are screened so badly that it takes a miracle to get that lucky. The birth part isn't so bad. But the needles and the leading up to the epidural. Well, that's enough to put me in a worry zone.

    So, for now, I just sit, worry and wait. It sucks so much.