4 days. I keep saying this over and over in my head. Just 4 days left. Am I ready? Absolutely not. Am I excited? Nope, scared out of my mind.
You would think, after doing this 5 times already this would be a cake walk for me. But honestly, after just having a baby just 11 months ago, well, lets just say it puts everything in fast perspective. YOU REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!! The pain, the worry, the anxious feeling. I am mostly 100% scared to death of two things. The "what if something goes wrong" and "the epidural". Scared really isn't the word to best describe how I am feeling. More like, gut choking, can't breath, need and want to run away kind of feeling. When I had the epidural with Ezme, it was the worse possible thing I have gone through. The pain was horrid, I begged hubby through my sobs and tears that I just wanted to go home. I was miserable, sore and angry. So this of course is coming all back to me.
The other thing that I am worried about. Is the fact that all the rooms, except for two are middle or *inner* rooms. Meaning its four walls and a door. No windows. I cannot do this. The thought of having a room without a window will literally put me over the edge. So I am praying, praying hard that I will be lucky enough to get a room with windows. So please, if you read this, would you say a little prayer for me that this will happen. Because honestly, I don't think I can handle being in a small room (and small I mean 10x10 or less) with no windows. I will cry buckets and run away. And trust me, I am known for doing that when things get to much for me.
So right now, I have 4 more days of worry. 4 more days of cleaning, organizing and trying to prepare my mind as best as I can. 4 more days to try hard not to loose it completely. But its hard to feel confident and excited when you have a poor hubby who is stressing so much I am waiting for him to ooze brain matter. A wife who is scared out of her witts end and still is worried this little man is coming home without a name. And kiddos who are so excited for the upcoming *TOUCH A TRUCK WEEKEND* that they really could care less about anything else going on.
There you have it folks, in a nut shell. Our crazy crazy family. But honestly, who could ask for anything better. Even if we are all a little out of life lately.