D-DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh gosh, Oh gosh, Oh gosh!!! Its 4:30am. I am sitting here typing while everyone is snoozing away. I just can't sleep. Nerves are getting the better of me. I keep going through the what-ifs in my head. What if something goes wrong? What if the epidural doesn't go right? What if we can't come up with a name for the little man? I hate the unknown. I should be getting the call around 8am from my doctor. As soon as I do, I will be heading in. I will be updating periodically on my facebook account too. I will say this if I haven't already. Its so weird to be having another little one less then a year before my Ezme was born. So strange.

9:44am My sister took the last photo of me pregnant and with the kiddos. Going to miss them for sure.

Last time as 4 kiddos. Olivia (7) Emma-James (4) Owen (2) and Ezme (11 months)

 

Last picture of me and my baby Ezme. In just a few short hours she wont be the baby anymore. This makes me sad.

 

**UPDATE** (This is a play-by-play of the days events)

10:35am At the hospital. Arrived close to 10am. I ended up going back to bed and was sick throwing up. Blah. I tell you, no fun. Hopefully I wont get in too much trouble. Waiting for things to start. Jason had to run home to grab his wallet. New changes at the hospital. Go figure.

11:02am Nurse has put in my IV. My doctor god love her tried to break my water. Didn't work. Tough little bugger. Going to start the pit now. Baby should be here around 4ish if all goes well. She told me to hold off on the epidural. Great, more time to wait and get scared.

12:32pm Dialated 4cm Almost 5. I can get my epidural anytime I want. Still trying to coax myself into doing it. Contractions are coming on pretty regular. About every 2 minutes and lasting for a minute.

1:35pm Epidural will be put in pretty soon. SCARED TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:10pm Epidural was put in about 15 minutes ago. Through a lot of tears and anxiety, the doctor did a fantastic job and was able to put it in on the first try. GOD LOVE HIM!!! If I or anyone goes through this here in RI at Woman and Infants. I beg you to remember the name, DR. COHAN. HE IS AMAZING!!!!!!! First time I have ever had an epidural go in on the first try with very little pain from it. So happy. Baby should be here soon.

3:20pm Told my doctor to stay close by after she told me I was 7 cm. Baby is going to come quickly. I say by 4pm or earlier. Within the next hour for sure.

3:44pm Feeling like I need to push. Waiting through a few more contractions. Might regret this later on.

3:57pm UGH, HURRAY DOCTOR HURRAY!!

4:05pm Baby man is finally here. Labor was INTENSE. The hardest yet. Doctor had to maneuver his little self out as he was positioned wrong and had a hand in his face. Let me tell you, props to anyone who does this with absolutely no anesthetic. The ring of fire, well, I swear, IT COULD KILL YOU!!!! It hurt like you wont believe. Small tear. Could feel the whole thing. Thank god for numbing medicine. Jason was so excited that posted immediately after he arrived. Announcing to the world Oliver Sebastian Martin Rodrigues. Even before we could decide fully on his name. I guess this was what it was meant to be. Oliver (Ollie) weighed in at 8 lbs 1 oz and was 20 inches long. Big baby you might think, but the little guy looks more like a bean poll then a fat chunky monkey!! Hehe.

6:35pm In my postpartum room. 6034. Family should be here in a little while to visit. So excited to see Ezme and Owen's face.

A few hours old! Oliver Sebastian (Ollie)

 

**THE KIDDOS VISIT**

Owen holding his baby brother

 

Big Sister Olivia holding her baby brother

 

Emma-James holding Ollie while baby sister Ezme looks on

 

My Mom holding Oliver

 

Emma-James is so much in love with her new baby that she just couldn't put him down. Emma-James, Daddy and Ollie

 

So to all of those who managed to get the correct weight bracket with Oliver. Congrats!!!!!

D-Day Tomorrow and Soccer

We spend the entire day with Soccer practice for both Olivia and Emma-James. They seemed to have an okie time. Olivia isn't much of a "runner" and seems to dislike this sport very much, but when I ask her if she would like to step down from the team, she keeps telling me she is having fun and loves it. So I guess we will just have to wait and see. Emma-James on the other hand was a scared little girl and just couldn't seem to focus enough on participating. So we are hoping the next session will give her more confidence to try it out. Plus the distraction of having her cousin, aunt and nana here wont be around. I really think she will love this time with friends her own age. I guess its just a matter of giving her the space she needs to get to know everyone. Here is a few pictures my sister took of the fun afternoon at the Soccer field.

Olivia Running after her ball (She looks so sporty here)

 

Soccer is hard work. Break-Time

 

Owen posing for a picture

 

Ezme trying hard to enjoy grass time. She hates it

 

Emma-James hanging out in the grass

 

Tyson, Owen and Emma-James playing ring-around-the-rosie

 

The Gang enjoying a little snack at Wrights Farm. Owen, Olivia, Emma-James, and Ezme

 

Tomorrow is D-Day for sure. So if you think of it. Say a quick prayer that everything from the needle stick to the epidural to delivery and recovery will go 100% terrific. I am pretty scared and nervous right now. Though looking at me you would think I am an old pro.

D-Day. Or Not :-(

Ugh. Just received the phone call from my doctor. Today is not the day. Really bumming. Had everything planned for the weekend for me to have him this afternoon and go home Sunday. Looks like plans have now changed. I guess we are going to spend the rest of the day shopping and running errands. Jason has offered to stay with the little ones while I take my family out shopping at the Christmas Tree Shoppe and the mall for a little playground action.

I guess its not too bad. She said that I would be the first on the Induction schedule for Sunday morning. So that is good. I just hope I can actually prepare myself a little more then I am now. Mentally I am a wreck. Physically all the things I wanted done are. The painting of course is still there. But the house is clean, diaper bag packed, laundry caught up and put away. So I am good. Tomorrow we are going to spend it by taking the girls to soccer practice and maybe head to Wright's Farm for a few things. Love that place for sure!!

1 Day Left

Today was my very last appointment for baby boy. Weird for me in so many ways. Maybe this is my last time with the prenatal visits, maybe its not. Who knows. All I know right now is this pregnancy flew by FAST!!

My appointment went good though. Hooked up to the NST machine. Baby did fantastic. Mild contractions coming every 6 minutes apart. My doctor did a quick exam and found that my cervix is ripe 85% effaced and almost 4 cm dilated. She doesn't want to strip my membranes because thinks I will go fast. Bummer. I really would like to just have monkey man come as soon as possible. But I only have to wait one more day, so I am okie with that.

Today is spending time with my family when they arrive. Running errands, last minute cleaning and grocery shopping and anything else that needs to get done before I head into the hospital tomorrow. Still feels surreal though. Can't wait to see how the kiddos are going to react to the new little one. Especially Owen and Ezme.

2 Days

2 days, 2 days, 2 days. Now most of you, who may or may not be pregnant and reading this would be head over heals for 2 days. I however, am still not feeling the excitement. I want too, I really do. I have done everything from packing and repacking the diaper bag, making sure I have all the things I need for baby. Diapers, wipes, formula. The car seat is all set to go, and for the most part, everyone in the house has managed to keep the house clean. Not spotless but definitely clean. Enough where I am not feeling the pressure to scrub, disinfect, organize all day long. Just a quick sweep up in the morning and before bed, wipe down of the counter tops in the kitchen, load of laundry and the dishes. It's fantastic. I hope we can keep this routine up. It sure is nice not to scrabble to get the house in tip top shape everyday.

Which reminds me of a funny, sweet hubby saw the can of formula and asked "Why did you pick up another can, Ezme drinks whole milk now." I said to him, "Babe, remember, we have a new baby arriving in 4 days." He then laughed and said to me, "It's like nothing ever stopped huh." Funny man. Love him!

Anyways, my new stroller arrived this morning. I love it. Well, of course I love it, its the same as my old one. Just newer and not broken!! This is what it looks like. The construction of this stroller is amazing. If Emma-James and Owen hadn't sat in the basket and broke it and snapped one of the pieces off as well as breaking the sun covers. My old one would still be here with us.

Not many people love this kind of stroller. For the simple fact its heavy. But honestly, I like the weight. I know its made out of real materials vs. plastic. I know its durable and will last forever. I know that its strong enough to hold my kids. And its nice to know I have the ability to change their seating arrangements to fit their needs. I feel for the price, I am getting far more bang for my buck so to speak. The seats are removable so you can either face them both out. Both in so the kids are facing each other. One facing out, while one faces you, or both facing you. It's fantastic. It also comes with a car seat adapter so if you want to put your little ones in the car seat on the stroller you can. If you would like any more information regarding this stroller, I am very happy to help. I have gone through enough strollers in my day to say that this one is the only one I could ever want.

 

Now that the stroller issue is taken care of, its really just waiting around. I want to clean, but I don't feel well. I want to sleep, but I cannot since the other kiddos refuse to nap. I wouldn't mind going out, but since I am not feeling good, its probably not a great idea. My sister, nephew and mom will arrive sometime tomorrow around supper. I have a Girl Scout Leaders Meeting tomorrow as well, so that will keep my mind off of things for a few hours at least. Until then though, I guess its just a sit and wait kind of day. HO HUM!

3 Days

4 days. I keep saying this over and over in my head. Just 4 days left. Am I ready? Absolutely not. Am I excited? Nope, scared out of my mind.

You would think, after doing this 5 times already this would be a cake walk for me. But honestly, after just having a baby just 11 months ago, well, lets just say it puts everything in fast perspective. YOU REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!! The pain, the worry, the anxious feeling. I am mostly 100% scared to death of two things. The "what if something goes wrong" and "the epidural". Scared really isn't the word to best describe how I am feeling. More like, gut choking, can't breath, need and want to run away kind of feeling. When I had the epidural with Ezme, it was the worse possible thing I have gone through. The pain was horrid, I begged hubby through my sobs and tears that I just wanted to go home. I was miserable, sore and angry. So this of course is coming all back to me.

The other thing that I am worried about. Is the fact that all the rooms, except for two are middle or *inner* rooms. Meaning its four walls and a door. No windows. I cannot do this. The thought of having a room without a window will literally put me over the edge. So I am praying, praying hard that I will be lucky enough to get a room with windows. So please, if you read this, would you say a little prayer for me that this will happen. Because honestly, I don't think I can handle being in a small room (and small I mean 10x10 or less) with no windows. I will cry buckets and run away. And trust me, I am known for doing that when things get to much for me.

So right now, I have 4 more days of worry. 4 more days of cleaning, organizing and trying to prepare my mind as best as I can. 4 more days to try hard not to loose it completely. But its hard to feel confident and excited when you have a poor hubby who is stressing so much I am waiting for him to ooze brain matter. A wife who is scared out of her witts end and still is worried this little man is coming home without a name. And kiddos who are so excited for the upcoming *TOUCH A TRUCK WEEKEND* that they really could care less about anything else going on.

There you have it folks, in a nut shell. Our crazy crazy family. But honestly, who could ask for anything better. Even if we are all a little out of life lately.

NST and Update

Had an Appointment with my Doctor this morning. Because of my high blood pressure last week, they didn't want me waiting until the end of this week to see her. So off I went.

I had my NST done this morning. Passed with flying colors in a matter of 8 minutes. I think the world's record as far as NST's go for me. So I was happy.

My Doctor god love her. Was super upset that the Doctor I had seen last Thursday didn't take me that very day. With my blood pressure as high as it was, and with no signs that afternoon of going down, there was no need to make me feel sick and miserable all weekend. She felt horrible. And if you saw me, then you know I wasn't feeling that great either. Thankfully by Sunday I was feeling well enough to go over with the kiddos to a birthday party across the street. But made sure I just stayed sitting on the couch. I didn't want to make things worse.

My blood pressure was better, 138/84. Still not great, but at least it went down a few points. So right now, the plan is this. Doctors Appt. again on Thursday morning with an NST. Then cervical check. Possibly strip my membranes and then talk about my induction for Friday morning. Now with the blood pressure and how I am feeling creeping up, there is no waiting an extra week or two. Thank god.

I am continuing to stay "quiet" as I can. Doing things around the house like laundry and sweeping and vacuuming. But at a slow pace. I try to take a little break in between the work. Hard to believe baby will be here by the end of the week. So strange I tell you.

Baby No Name

Some of you have asked what we are naming our little guy. Well..........at this moment. We have nothing! We have gone back and forth on a bunch of names. Three to be exact. All three we both agree on. All three we think would be perfect. But for me, none of them seem to be just the right one. So as of now, baby has no official name. I can however tell you he has a definite middle name. Which thankfully we have not changed. So at least that is squared away.

For now though, we have decided to wait until baby man arrives. I think that will help us to determine just what name will fit him best. It's weird, that after 5 kiddos, we would be stuck on the 6th. Why make anything easy huh!

Blah

Really, is there anything better to sum up how I am feeling then the word BLAH! Jason spend the morning working and trying hard to get into the office. Did I want him to go? Absolutely NOT! Four kiddos, and a mommy who just isn't feeling so good = nothing good can come out of this. Surprisingly though, they really were good this afternoon. Olivia did her homework without to much fuss. Even writing her President report over about a dozen times just so it looked perfect. She skimmed her book for tonight for her reading group and helped me pick up around the house. The little kiddos even helped too. Sure I had to bribe them with an ice cream cone, but hey, a momma's gotta do, what a momma's gotta do. And this momma does *NOT* want to be bending down picking up.

It's now after 7pm. I have 3 kiddos asleep. Jason happily took Olivia to her reading group. Hopefully they will remember to run out after to pick up her socks and her shin guards for her first soccer practice tomorrow as well as Emma-James' stuff too.

I am looking at the small mess, and really, when I say small, its really just a sweep, wipe down dining room table from supper and maybe a quick wash with the mop kind of mess. But blah. I just am so tired, hot, and miserable to really even attempt. So I am thinking, maybe I will just wait until the sun has left this side of the house. And clean up in a little while. Its not like the mess is going to go anywhere. As long as its done before our busy selves leave the house in the A.M. I am good. Until then. Resting on the couch. Sounds good to me don't ya think.

Doctors Visit 38 Weeks

I had my ultrasound today to check for fluid levels. It was only suppose to be a quick 30 minute appointment, but little did I know, the sick feeling I had felt over night and pretty much the entire day today was for good reason. My blood pressure was pretty high. 140/90. This is high for me considering its been in the 120's/60's for the entire pregnancy, so that big of a spike in less then a week was pretty significant.

The ultrasound tech said that baby looked good. Fluid again is going down. Only a 7 this time. She said it was fine and not to worry, but I am aggravated that being a slow leak and it getting worse by the day, is only going to cause issues either during delivery or after. The risk of infection can increase and I don't want baby to have to spend any NICU time all because they are being ridiculous. But anyways.....With my high blood pressure and the concern that baby is growing a little slow, I ended up being sent down the hall to see the doctor as well. Now let me just say. This particular doctor is very sweet. BUT VERY ANNOYING!!!! He looked at my chart, took my blood pressure again. 143/92 and decided to do a quick fetal test by hooking me up to the monitors. Baby did good. Did a quick cervical exam and said I was all set. I was furious. Even the nurses were. I was sick in the office, doing everything I could not to throw up. Sick in the car. Sick the night before. I even walked out of the office. And he said to me, "Are you okie, you look very pale." To which I said, "NO, I am feeling horrible right now." He then said, rest and go home. SERIOUSLY!!!! SERIOUSLY?????????? I went and did some blood work. Refusing my 24 hour urine collection. Why put myself through that? I haven't spilled any protein at all. And he isn't going to induce me any early if I was. So what is the point. It truly stresses me out so I stuck with the blood work. Came home, and slept. I still feel horrible. I want to throw up so badly. Can't get comfortable. The whole nine yards. I am not even sure what the next week holds. I guess I will find out more on Monday when I go back. Until then. I have checked my blood pressure twice at home and its still pretty high. Blah. Pray I feel better in the A.M.

Fun Picture of Ezme

11 Months Old. Sporting her new Hair Do!

 

House Pictures! Part III

Second floor pictures!

Girls room from top of stairs. Back Green room is Master Bedroom

 

The Girls Double Bunks. We were so lucky finding bunk beds that would accommodate the low ceilings. Emma-James on the top, Olivia on the bottom

 

View of Girls room from Master bedroom. Stairs to the right next to the window. Owen's room is to the left. Double closet doors to walk in closet

 

Owen's room from his door

 

View from Owen's bed

 

View from Owen's bed looking at the Enterance

 

View from window with air conditioning unit

 

I promise as soon as I can get around to it, I will take photos of the master bedroom, the bathroom and a few other odds and ends. Hope you guys enjoy.

House Pictures! Part II

Continue of house Pictures.....Just to let you know, there are a few that are missing currently because the camera batteries died and I don't know how to replace them. So I will put them in their correct order as soon as I can.

Entire Kitchen looking from Front Door (in dining room)

 

Looking from Bathroom door. Stairs that leads to second floor. Disregard the painting and dirty rug. I have yet to finish either. On the left hand side you can see the laundry room and double ovens. On the right, is the stairs to the cellar.

 

Looking at Entire Kitchen from the stairs leading to second floor. Door leads to only bathroom

 

House Pictures! Part I

A good friend of mine from College asked me if I would post some pictures of the inside of our home on our website. I decided why not. It's clean and presentable. Better then it has looked in a long time, what better time then now. So hear it goes. I will probably be doing three installments with all the pictures. Then do an update post so everything will be together back to back on the site. So enjoy my house. Especially for those who have never seen the remodel!!

Dining Room from Front Door (Our door is more like a side door as we do not have a true front door)

 

Dining room, part of kitchen bar looking from Front Door

 

Built in Office in Dining Room (far wall)

 

Fireplace in Dining room (Made this myself, favorite thing in my house!)

 

Picture taken from Built in Office looking at the rest of the dining room, part of the living room, part of the kitchen

 

Part of Living Room from Front Door

 

Living room from Dining room table

 

Living Room from Sliding Glass door. Leading to Backyard. You can see part of the dining room too

 

Inside Kitchen looking at Bar, Dining room and built in office

 

This Girl Amazes Me

At seven years old, this girl truly, truly amazes both Jason and I. Olivia is *SMART*!! I don't just say this because she is my daughter, I say this because its 100% true. This girl has taught herself to read with very little help from myself or Jason. She has taught herself Math and even this summer taught herself multiplication for fun. When it comes to anything, she really grasps it pretty easily. The struggle we have is just actually doing the work.

I am so amazed. I think we both were. And a little jealous too. If only I could have had things come so easily when I was growing up. I think school would have been much more pleasurable experience for me.

She truly is gift that both Jason and I have learned from over the years. Patience is sometimes hard, but the more we find what works best with Olivia, the more we find just how smart she is. I am even more impressed with how much she has grown and changed in the last year. With her spunky personality, it sometimes can be hard to "get to know her" on a personal level. We have really worked hard on this and it has paid in many ways. We continue to help her grow and learn as we want her to be a strong woman someday and continue to keep her roll as "LEADER". She is fantastic at this and why break it from her.

I think what made her true abilities shine is finding that she was able to read two chapter books, "FLAT STANLEY" and "Kristen Saves the Day, American Girl" both in an less then an hour. And what is even more amazing, is she was able to tell us not only about the story, the characters, the main aspect, but what page number certain things were on and even if I had forgotten something "important" she would show me where it was. She clearly will finish her "Flat Stanley" series well before the week is up. Finding her in her bed reading books with a flashlight at 3am will do that. We are going to continue with our plans of "FLAT OLIVIA" but make up our own lessons. I might not say this enough, but I am super proud of this girl. She truly is going to go places someday. I just hope she takes me with her!! I love a good adventure.

 

Flat Olivia Project

Day 2 of Home-Schooling. Things are picking up. We have the next few months all planned out. Olivia has started to read the FLAT STANLEY series. Sadly, its so easy for her, she managed to finish the first book in less then an hour. Oh well, at least she can get the idea of the fun that is in store.

So with this, I am asking everyone who might read this blog if they would like to help us out with a little project. Of course its going to be the "FLAT OLIVIA" project. She is super excited. My friend from college has offered to be the first "Visit" in the good old State of Kansas. So she will be off and running pretty soon. Olivia and I have a few goals in mind with this project:

1. Hit all 50 States, as we are learning about the Presidents and each State this year so I thought this would be fun. So any information in the form of a packet or pamphlet would be AWESOME!

2. Acquire a trinket or little memento from each State. Could be a postcard, (she is really into magnets) or something along that lines. I am willing to send you a check to cover cost of shipping, handling and the item itself.

3. Photos of Flat Olivia seeing sites that we probably wont have the opportunity to see. I am really excited to put a book together for her so she is able to keep it for years to come. And who knows, this might inspire her to travel someday.

4. Her biggest goal is for FLAT OLIVIA to visit the White House. Sooooooooo, if you have connections, we are all ears. She is going to be starting up her Blog soon in regards to this. So we are pretty excited.

Flat Olivia will also have the chance to visit overseas as well. She will be traveling to Russia as well as South Korea and possibly even Turkey. So who knows. This girl might be doing some moving and shaking.

So if you would like to participate, let me know. I will put your name on the list and the State your from. This way, if anyone is stuck as to where she should go next, I will have plenty of places for her to visit. Please just send "Flat Olivia" any extra items, trinkets, papers or photos can be send to us directly.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!!!!!

Home-Schooling Day 1

For the first time in the last 2 years it has gone FANTASTICALLY!! Olivia did all of her work and was very interested in what we were learning. She wrote all the things she needed (the biggest fight of school for us. WRITING. She hates it. Much like her daddy.) We talked about the first President of the United States. Olivia made her first "GOOGLE" on George Washington and was very excited to learn more about her "FAVORITE" President. We are going to be spending the next couple of months learning about each one, writing up a little bit about them, and making a book that we can hopefully have specially bounded for her. I am really excited, but not nearly as much as she is. Right now, she is off finding notebooks for her writings. Let's just hope this excitement sticks. I know that we will be doing a lot of "book writing and illustrating" this year. Plus she will be working on her book worm "Charlotte" throughout the year as well. For every book she reads, we will be doing a small book report and putting it up as a "body part" for her caterpillar. We are really excited to see how many books she can read from now until Christmas. Guessing on her love of reading, I think not only am I in trouble, but the lack of space on my walls are too!!

We have also discussed the prospects of Olivia writing her own blog about her journey this year in home-schooling. I think this will give her more of an opportunity to write about what she is learning. Plus practice her writing and spelling skills. I told her if she really worked hard, we would talk about starting up something in Sept. So we will wait and see. I really am hoping this year will be the "YEAR" for her to really love school and find that its not all boring work. As long as we can pass the hurdle of "I hate writing" I think we have it made. Ahh, I love it when the day goes well!

Is This your First?....Is This your Last?

Ahhh, the question that seems to be coming up more and more often these days. The same two questions that seem to come back-to-back. I will walk into a store. Any store these days and people will ask me "Awwww, is this your first?" To which I happily reply, "No, this is my sixth." Then of course they will say things like, "Oh God, bless you." "How wonderful, I think big families are fantastic."

When we are walking around in the store, running errands, at the park, or wherever people will come over to Jason and I and ask point blank, "Are they all your?" And lets not forget my personal favorite, "Are you trying to catch up with the Duggers?" So I pretty much get the full circle of questions and comments. To which, like clockwork I am followed up with the next question. "Is this your last?"

I have answered many times the same way. Just assume I am pregnant until I tell you otherwise. This way, if we are blessed with another little one, then I don't look like I lied. And since I have been pregnant just about every year since 2002, then you really don't know me any differently.

Though Jason and I have discussed at length that we do indeed want at least one more little one. I think a nice round number is perfect. 6 kiddos all to love and snuggle. Watch grow and learn. However, we have decided to put this miracle on hold for at least five years. Our current living situation is just not even panning out for the 7 that will live here now. And adding one more to the mix would be really hard. Not impossible, as we can make room. But definitely hard. Jason wants to think about where his job will take him, where we will be living. Eventually schools for the kids.

My body will not know what hit me. I truly have never taken more then a year off. I am still wondering how I will handle it. I ask myself this question all the time, "Will I be okie if we are truly done?" I have been waiting and asking my friends who have said they are finished with having little ones. Wanting desperately to know what that feeling feels like. They each told me I would know. But will I? Really? So for now. This is what I can tell you. The life of 7 will be around for awhile. Interesting, busy and chaotic. And when we are ready to add number 6 to the mix, we will definitely let everyone know.

2 Weeks Left??

Yup folks. That's right. In just 14 days, little man will be making his grand entrance into this crazy family of 6!! My appointment with my Doctor yesterday went fantastically. There is a reason why I love her so much and was willing to do just about anything I had to, to make sure I saw her solely. Despite the fact that its a multi-practice and your suppose to see all the doctors at least once before delivery. I find this system annoying and less then practical. They don't seem to speak to each other at all about the patients that are currently in the office. They look over your chart the first 30 seconds before walking in the door. Saying "how do you feel?" "Any bleeding or swelling?" Then they listen to the baby's heartbeat. Your concerns or questions, and then shoo you off for another month of worry and wonder. It's enough to drive anyone INSANE!!

The only thing I have going for me that makes my appointments more annoying then helpful, is that I have gone through this several times. And having Anabelle has made me extra aware to the fact that sometimes, you the parent, know more then the actual doctors. Especially a MALE doctor. Don't get me wrong, I have had some very sweet and caring male doctors. But when it comes to pregnancy, its truly one thing that they just don't know first hand about. Despite delivery and complications, surgery and the unknown. They still don't get it.

So anyways. Side tracked a little. It was really great for me to talk to her about a few concerns I have had over the last couple of months. And seemingly not getting any real answers. Until she talked me through everything. So here it goes. Baby is doing great. I am truly, 100% all baby. Shocker I tell you. First for everything I guess! And this baby is going to be a BIG BABY! Again, another shocker. Probably even bigger then Miss. Ezme. Despite the fluid being low, he has plenty of room to move around and at this point, its not a concern. The next issue we were having is his hand has always been very close to his face. We didn't want to suddenly have my water break and a hand falls out. So she checked to see if I am dilated. And looked to make sure there was no hand to worry about. And thankfully, so far, there isn't. She said she was able to poke it away from his face. So that is a good thing. I am dilated only 1. Hrm. Thought I would be a bit more. Seeing how I was further along with Ezme at this time. Cervix is soft but nothing *REALLY* going on. At almost 37 weeks, she said things will start to pick up. One can only hope. The more dilated I am going into my induction, the faster and easier delivery is.

I am to stop all my medications on Friday and for the next two weeks, just do whatever I need to do to stay cool, happy, and stress free. Ha! I will have my last ultrasound to determine if the fluid levels are even lower. If they are and are at a level of concern, they will take me early. If not, I will wait for her to return from her vacation and have my induction on 39 weeks to the day.

So, I have two weeks left before baby arrives. This weekend will be dedicated to finishing up all major projects and cleaning around the house. Lots to do before Ezme's birthday. I am hoping we can have nice weather that will let us do this. I really am kind of tired of cleaning, painting, organizing.

The following weekend *I* really am hoping to get the family away for an overnight. Though not sure where yet. Just something we can do together before the hustle and bustle of baby, school, soccer, girl scouts, etc. starts up. I always enjoy these special times we have together. And lately, we haven't had much time to do anything. Life just keeps us to busy!!

So for now, I am working on gaining my energy back to finish those last few *To Do's*. Relaxing when I can, and sleeping when....well.....whenever that happens. Still can't believe its only 2 more weeks. This time around went by way to fast.

11 Months Old!!

My baby is now 11 months old. In one short month we will be gathering around to celebrate her first birthday!! Add to that, the baptism of both her and her new little brother who could arrive at any moment.

Ezme is truly a sweet little girl with the best personality I have ever seen. She is shy and timid at times. Especially when she meets new people or is in new surroundings. But when she is familiar with her surrounds, WATCH OUT she will let you know she is around with her talk, talk, talk or loud squeals and screams. She really is amazing to watch her mind go. Its almost like she understands the world around her, but has yet to express her feelings on what she has learned through words.
Her favorite game right now is the "UP/DOWN" game. She will hold my hands and when I say up, she will stand up, and when I say down, she will sit down. She can play this for at least a good hour.

Here are a few other fun things Ezme is doing these days:

* Still is very much in love with her Blanket. So much so, she will find ways to retrieve this from her crib any way she can.
* Loves food, especially food she can feed herself. Which these days are EVERYTHING!! She has no favorites. And does no dislike anything right now. Though she is allergic to anything green. Peas, green beans. And of course they are her favorite.
* Loves to point to things and say "That" Which I am determining is her way of asking "What's that" or "I want that"
* Say's mama and dada when she wants our attention. Says "cat" when referring to Grace only. Never acknowledges Boo for some reason.
* Is sitting at the big girl table with the family now in the booster seat. The highchair will soon be passed down to baby brother.
* Has blond, blond, blond hair and blue eyes. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM???
* Is very much a deep thinker. Will really look at objects in a different way and study them.
* Loves music! Any kind will do.
* Starting to walk with push cart. Walking is only days away. She just needs courage to do so.

I hope to have some pictures of Ezme up soon. I haven't had much of a moment these days to take any. Plus, Jason's camera is so big and bulky. I really hate getting it out to use it.

Sporting her fun new Do!

 

Worry

Worried. That seems to be the word of the day/week/month/year around here these days. Worried about money, worried about our house situation, worried about the kids and the school situation, worried about the new baby's arrival, worried, worried, worried! It's enough to make anyone go crazy.

At this point in time, despite us trying to cut down on spending. Which if you knew us, we really don't spend that much. We haven't gone on a vacation in more then 3 years. We don't go out and purchase anything for us. The biggest expenses in the last 2 years have been our van and the remodel of the house. Which really, we had little choice in the matter.

I own literally, 1 pair of pants and 2 shirts. LITERALLY!! Jason has a bit more clothes as he works, so I felt his wardrobe needed a bit more then just a pair of pants and a few shirts. All of the kiddos do well with hand-me-downs from each other. But its hard when Olivia is the oldest and I have no one to give me clothes for her. And then their is Emma-James who is tinier then her sister was at the same age. So she needs a few things to help her get by. Then you have Owen who is the only boy. So of course he needs clothes as well. I do my best to purchase clothes that are cheap and on sale. And for the most part, I do pretty good. Coupons, sales and crazy bargain shopping.

We are officially in the RED when it comes to our home. I can't even explain how this makes both Jason and I feel right now. Stuck, angry, upset!! You get the picture. Our house is worth less then what we ever paid for it. Less then what we have put into it. And less then what we owe on it. At this point in time, it cannot get any worse then it already is. The options of moving are not their and building on is only a dream.

We were hoping to get the kids in a better school system before Emma-James enters kindergarten. She really could use that extra year to help her. Olivia needs a school that can truly accommodate her needs. She is smart. And she needs to have someone motivate her and help her reach her full potential. Neither of them will receive that here in Johnston. Private schools are out of the question. And the Charter school we were hoping to get them into are no longer accepting new students.
So...........we are stuck. Don't get me wrong, I love home-schooling the kiddos. I enjoy having them here with me. And love watching them learn in an environment that is more "learning friendly". But I always feel they are missing out. And I get twangs of sadness remembering my school days (when they were good ones) and realizing they are missing out on some pretty memorable moments.

Of course I am worried about little guy's arrival at any moment. How will I handle 5 kiddos? How will I handle school, girl scouts, the house? As it is. We have no room. Anyone reading this, who has visited, or spend time in, knows this. THERE IS LACK OF SPACE!!!! No rooms we can eliminate, no ways of adding on, no where to put anything. Regardless if we had one child, or 8 children, this would and will always be a problem in this home. I have made it work though. I try hard. Move a bed here, a dresser their. Give up the closets, make room for toys. Put a shelve here and clothes their. This again, is enough to drive me batty. But despite my every growing need for a clutter free home. THIS NEVER HAPPENS!! My kids, my husband, my animals. They all cannot seem to grasp the idea of PICKING UP AFTER YOURSELF. I walk on dolls, trucks and stuffed animals in the middle of the night. Slip on a book, and cry wishing that we just had one room where all the kids stuff can go too and I can be at peace knowing I wont kill myself making a night time trip to the potty.

My new worry now you ask? Well, finding a job of course. We need the extra cash flow. So badly that I am willing to do just about anything. I have very little experience in "LIFE" I should say. Working as a baby-sitter, nanny, professional child care person. That's about it. My life's work. So finding a job in retail or something other then children, scares me. But I will do it. Finding hours, that work around Jason. Well that's hard too. He might have to work from home. We just don't know. I am praying for a miracle at this point!! We have earned it. Jason and I are good people. Great parents. Hard workers. We have tried very hard to make sure we are their for our kids. And we will continue to do that. No matter what path we have to take to make that happen.

So worried......yes I am worried. Only time will tell in the coming days, weeks and months what we are going to do. Until then, I will continue to worry and pray.

Kindergarten!

I have been feeling sort of "blah" these coming days. Watching a few of my friends talk about their little's entering Kindergarten has gotten me realizing that Anabelle should be joining the trio of kiddos that are going to embark on this journey as well. It's tough. I know in my heart she wouldn't have really gone to school unless we were able to find one that would accommodate her growing needs as a child with Trisomy 18. Some days I picture her healthy, running around full of life, still with us. Other days the reality of her diagnosis reminds me that she might never have done any of those. Even the simplest things like eating might have been a struggle.

I am reminded often of these three kiddos and how lucky their parents are to have them be with their families. That each moment they take a breath its a blessing. Some days I forget and look at pictures or updates and am so happy that they are here. Other days I get teary eyes, reminding me that Anabelle should be including in the journey. That she isn't here with us. And that no matter how hard I try, their will always be a HUGE part of my life that is missing. The updates and photos I cannot do. The firsts I will never have. The memories that were cut too short.

I am looking forward to taking on a new Daisy troop this year. Wondering subconsciously if I took it knowing that Anabelle would have been with this group of girls. I think it will be as much of a healing for me to know I am still continuing on even if Anabelle cannot be here physically to participate. Emma-James is happy to take a spot in this class. She is excited to be a part of something she can call her own. Both her and Anabelle would have been in the same class together. Learning side-by-side. It breaks my heart that I don't have that to cherish and only can form memories in my heart.

Who knew that KINDERGARTEN would spark such a weave of emotions inside me. I miss the "what if's" and always having that feeling that our family, no matter how many blessing we have with us, will never, ever, be complete.

Ultrasound

I had another ultrasound today. Its fun to see little guy on the screen moving around. He still has his little hand directly on top of his face. It has been their since our first ultrasound back in April at 18 weeks. I have a feeling he will be coming out that way too.

Today's ultrasound was to again check the fluid levels and his growth. My levels dropped two points from last appointment. I will have another ultrasound again in two more weeks, and if its dropped again by this much then I probably will be sent over to labor and delivery that day. She said it wasn't cause for concern, but the fact that it dropped so much in such a short time does lead her to believe I do in fact have a small leak. I will see my regular doctor starting next week. HURRAY!!! I am so excited to have her back. We will discuss our options and most likely talk about induction as I may need to be put on antibiotics. But again, its still up in the air.

Baby is looking really good though. They said he was over the 6lb mark. But if that was the case, he gained well over 2 1/2 pounds in just 9 days!!! That's insanity!!!! Even the tech. said that didn't look accurate. So who knows how big he really is. My blood pressure is looking good despite not feeling well and having headaches often these days. I dropped in weight again by almost 2 lbs. Not sure what is going on their.

So another week of "waiting" to see what happens. This Thursday I will be 36 weeks. So either way, I will have a baby in just three short weeks. CRAZY CRAZY!!!

To Great Friends!

I just wanted to announce that Olivia's Godparents Tanya and Greg are now the proud parents of a very sweet little girl Madison Grace born on July 29th!! I am so very excited for them. Words can't even express how much so. Tanya is a fantastic, loving, caring wonderful person and I knew in my heart she would be a wonderful, loving, fantastic mommy! I am sure she is just in awe right now only a few days into mommy-hood. But wanted to let her know that I am very excited and happy for them and cannot wait to meet the newest love of her life. HUGS to you both!!!!!!! The love only grows more and more with each passing day. And its truly the best thing ever!!

The Pacie is No More

I am happily to report that day three of the "no pacies" has gone by with great success!!!!! He has done AMAZING. Despite a few hard times first thing in the morning, and a few little mini melt downs at night, he really has done better then both Jason and myself thought he would. I am really proud of him. We went through the entire house last night checking all the "hiding" spots that are his favorite just to make sure there aren't any "left overs" running around our home. I have purchased new pacies for the new little guy and made extra sure they weren't the same brand that Owen liked. I wouldn't want him to be tempted to take his, because lord knows, he would in a heartbeat the little turkey.

As of today, I am taking my big boy to Target later on to get him a TRUCK MOVIE. Who knows what one he will pick out, but since his love of trucks is so high on his list, I decided it would be the perfect little gift for him. We can't purchase little trucks right now, as we have over 60 of them still left for his "potty training".

And on that front, he is doing well. Still wish he could at least stay dry the entire day. That is all we really need for Nursery school. I am still hopeful though. We have a month to continue to work with him. So who knows. He might surprise us and get it just before the new school year begins!