34 weeks! 5 weeks left

First let me say, sorry about the picture being so "shinny" We are still trying to figure out the new camera and are back and forth on the idea of keeping it or finding something else that fits our family better. It takes fantastic pictures most of the time. Great ones outside. Inside though is a different story. Some days I get great shots. While others seem over exposed, "shinny" and very bright. Ideas welcome if you know how we can remedy this issue.

So today marks 34 weeks!! Two more weeks and I am officially 9 months. I officially have just 5 weeks (39 weeks) or 42 days (40 weeks) left of this pregnancy. And I am not really struggling this time around with all the things I need to do. Or in some cases, want to do. Which honestly feels great. I cannot guarantee that at the last hour I wont be hounding my husband to scrub the floors and wash the molding and paint all the rooms and take the car to get washed and vacuumed. And everything that in the past has been on my to do list. Right now though, its just been nice to "enjoy" rather then take charge just to have the house look perfect. For those who know me. Lets see how long that lasts for.

We have very little left to do around the house before little girl arrives. We want to get the backyard cleaned up and ready for the fall and all the leaves that will be dropping pretty soon. I am also hoping to get some fall plants in the ground around the front of the house and maybe decorate for Halloween. Something I don't normally do because the kids in our neighborhood tend to destroy and steal stuff. But I wanted something cheery and pleasing to the eye for any potential buyers. Especially since I didn't plant a single thing this year. I am itching to plant something.

We also have a few things to do around the house. Nothing major. Hang some pictures. Finish packing away summer clothes. Fix a few things here and there that have been piling up on Jason's *Hunny-Do List*. Another solid weekend should give us enough time to accomplish everything. Hoping that in another week or two Jason can take a Friday off so we can have a long weekend to get things checked off the list.

I am feeling great. Honestly. I have moments when I am feeling "pregnant" and days like yesterday where I have contractions non stop for hours on end. But other then that. I really have been feeling great. Energy is great. I haven't really slowed down and usually right around the end of 28-30 weeks I am starting to really feel everything. So I am blessed that its been a smooth and uneventful pregnancy for the most part.

Tomorrow is my Growth and Weight check for baby girl. I am excited to see how much she has gained in the last 21 days. I still believe she is tiny, but who knows. She might have gained 2 pounds in the last 21 days and just really good at hiding it. Until then, I am hoping today and most of tomorrow will go by fast. I cannot wait to see her.

Off to a Great Start!

As you can see, the girls are off to a great start to the school year!! I couldn't be more prouder of how hard they work and study during the week. They are certainly *SUPER* in my book. Love you girls. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of how hard you work each and everyday. Keep it up. Your shining stars for sure.
Hugs and Kisses.

Bit of Good News

Had my doctors appointment today. 33 weeks 1 day and I measured in at a whooping 30/31 weeks. It was too close to tell either way. Especially with baby moving so much. So I am no longer 4 weeks behind. Give or take, I am about 2 weeks behind. Which is much better. Though she is still thinking baby will be on the small side. I will need to wait another week before we can figure out how much she has grown and gained from my last visit. The wait is killing me.

I did some calculations and if she gains steady everyday over the course of the last 22 days. Then by next Tuesday she should be in the 4lb 3oz range. It will be neat to see if my calculations are spot on or completely off. I wished for the week to fly by. But based on the last two days already. I don't think we will be having that kind of luck.

Blood pressure was in the normal range. 130/80. So I am unsure of where the headaches and dizzy feeling is coming from. She is thinking it might be caused by silent migraines. She gave me a prescription to take before bed in the hopes it wipes this headache out for good.

All in all things look good. Starting October 2nd I will see her every week until delivery. Its zipping by quickly. Just hanging in there. This weekend consists of birthday parties and yard cleaning.

Scared

33 weeks. I should be grateful I have made it this far without complications, sickness, flat on my back irritable. 33 weeks and I am still feeling terrific (for the most part) still able to get things done around the house, working, running errands. 33 weeks and baby is doing great. Despite her weight being behind. She is doing pretty wonderful right now.

Except, I am not. 33 weeks and all of a sudden the emotions I felt at the beginning of the pregnancy are now full force at the end. I. AM. SCARED.

For those of you who do not know. Back in November a friend of mine had a beautiful baby. She was so blessed after trying for so many years to welcome a new addition to her family. She was completely in love and all she talked about was her excitement and anticipation for the newest arrival. I remember when she told me. It was late in the evening and I got a text from her. IT'S A BOY. I was so happy for her and the family.

Sadly though, what should have been the happiest time of her life slowly turned into the worse time. She grew increasingly sick day after day. It happened almost days after the baby was born. Doctors suspected everything from A to Z but could never pinpoint what she really had. She saw multiple of doctors and by the time Christmas came. She had lost so much weight (more then a new mom really should) she became increasingly pale and all in all she looked extremely tired and run down. I kept encouraging her to see her doctor. But she said that everything was fine and that it was just this and that. I didn't believe her. But didn't push the issue either.

Then one Sunday evening in January I got the call that she had been admitted to the hospital after a series of what was believed to be heart attacks. All I could ask myself was how did this vibrant, young, wonderful person go from being happy and joyful over the birth of her new baby to in the hospital?? I didn't understand. She had undergone numerous surgeries to help her recover from whatever was killing her.

January turned into February. The email I was dreading came in at 5:25 am. She had passed away earlier that morning. The words I read on the screen could not be put into words I was feeling that afternoon. I walked around in a fog. I couldn't understand. I didn't want to understand. How does GOD take away a beautiful, wonderful, vibrant, God loving mom, sister, Aunt, wife away from everyone and everything that loved her? How?

I struggled at her funeral. I missed her. I missed the person she was. The person I wanted and strive still to this day to be like. I wanted her here with us. To watch her children grow. It wasn't fair.

A week after her passing, I found out I was pregnant. The joy was completely over shadowed by the pain and hurt I was feeling loosing my friend. I was in denial. I didn't want to realize that this was happening to me. I barely wanted to tell friends. (and didn't for a very long time) I gained enough courage and life to tell my husband. He saw the pain and hurt in my eyes. The worry. The wondering. The questions that circled. What if? What if? What if? At 33 weeks I am still partially in denial. With a small belly and barely looking pregnant, I tend to forget until someone asks. The guilt alone from feeling that way makes it worse.

I finally managed to make an appointment to see my OB/GYN. I thought as I walked into the office I was together. Joyful. Ready to prove everyone wrong. I was strong, excited, ready to start a new chapter with our family. The girls at the reception desk were happy to see me. Greeting me with a smile. Asking about the other kids. I was ready to go. Until that is, I walked into the office and saw my doctors face. I lost it. Completely. Emotions were spilling on the floor left and right. She looked at me with utter shock. I was always so calm, so happy, so closed off to my emotions. Even with Anabelle. She was stunned to see me so vulnerable. Hell, I was stunned to see myself acting this way. I never cried. Or at least not in front of people other then my husband. Then I laid it all out. How I lost my best friend. And by this time 3 other friends to Cancer. All within weeks of each other. How I was afraid that the loss of my friend meant that it was going to happen to me. The worry for my family, my kids, my husband the new baby. I was a basket case.

She was wonderful. And after a long discussion she told me that my friends death was not me and my pregnancy. Her pregnancy and delivery would not be my pregnancy and delivery. That I needed to think about the bigger picture and even though her passing was hard and sad and not fair. I needed to concentrate on my health and the health of my baby.

We talked so more. She gave me some information in regards to my friend. I learned a lot that afternoon. Which only make my heart hurt more. But I understood things so much better. I walked away trying to sort through my feelings and work through my loss while trying to accept the new journey I was to take part in. It was a tough thing for me to work through.

Fast forward 7 months. I have done pretty well. Worrying less and enjoying being pregnant more. But suddenly, the other day, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been in true panic mode. I am worrying constantly. What if something happens to me during delivery? What if something happens to the baby? What if she passes away in utero? Will the doctors deliver her early if she stops growing? Will they make the mistake of waiting too long and something happens? What about myself? What if I bleed out? What if I end up dying?.....Dying? Maybe my entire pregnancy being so great and uncomplicated was to get my family ready for me not to be here anymore? I don't know. It sounds crazy. But its how I feel. I have literally been feeling extreme emotions lately. I don't know how to work through it without feeling guilty then sad then happy, then the feeling of nothing. The dead feeling one gets when the emotions of life are just so high that you cannot feel anything more then "dead"

I see my doctor today. I am hoping she will REALLY listen vs. just telling me things will be ok and not to worry.  I have been given a lot of advice and though I know everyone means well. Its just not helping. I get angry when no one listens. I get angry when people thing "they know best" I get angry when others take what I feel for granted. Saying things like "this isn't your first. Why are you worrying so much." Just bothers me.

If you talk to me (or for a lot of my friends and family who have all but even called me since finding out) then realize that I am going through a lot more then most of you probably realize right now. This pregnancy comes with a heavy cost of worry and anxiety.

If you think about me today. Say a prayer. Say a prayer that I can stop worrying and enjoy the last few weeks I have being pregnant. There isn't anything more I would love to do then enjoy my last pregnancy moments with baby worry free.

Waiting, Waiting............On *The House*

Here is a picture of the *THE HOUSE* that we are looking at. This photo doesn't really do it much justice. Once you see it in person the first words exclaimed usually is "this house is huge" And huge it is. With almost 4,000 square feet of current usable space. And another 1,000 sq. feet in the attic which will be re-done right away. This house is *HUGE* It has 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms. Included is a formal dining room, space for an eat in kitchen. Formal living room and family room. Hook-ups for laundry to be on either the main floor or 2nd floor. And space to grow in the attic. Which we intend to use as an office space/sewing and craft room and family room. The house is amazing. Its close to Jason's job. Which he could walk or bike too. Close to the girls school. Full time kindergarten for Owen next year. Plenty of growing room down the line when we have our children's families visit with there kids. Its the perfect "old school" house you want to celebrate Christmas in. And best of all, it has a fantastic yard and fenced in backyard. We even had the pleasure of meeting the neighbors and they are really nice. One of them even has kids Ezme and Oliver's age.

Its been 2 months since we put the offer in and still no word. We have decided that because of the amount of work and length it will take for us to accomplish everything. That its better we stay here until after the holidays are over. Which means we are looking at a January 1st move in date. This is if we find out about the house in the next month or so. It will give us the time we need to work on the new house, while still having a place to live during renovations. Its going to be a big under-taking. Especially if Jason and I are doing a lot of the work alone. We want to try to accomplish as much as we can together without having to hire outside help and blowing our budget out of the water.

We sure could use some prayers. If you can, please say a quick prayer that we will hear about this house in a more timely manner. The waiting is killing the both of us and we were both really hoping to celebrate Christmas in our new house. New baby, new house, family and friends around us. Couldn't ask for a more special time gift.

Apple Picking

The kids favorite thing to do when fall comes is go Apple Picking. This year was no exception. The kids had a great time and picked out some pretty terrific apples to take home with us. The best part, it gave me the opportunity to play with my new camera. We are still deciding if its exactly the right one for us. But so far it seems pretty great.  I just have to get use to all the new buttons what nots. That will take some time for sure. It helps though that Jason enjoys playing with everything and figuring it all out. So he in the end just shows me how to use it. Beats trying to read the directions and not really understand anything. Here are a few pictures from our fun afternoon.

Emma and Owen

 

Emma getting a ride from Daddy's Shoulders. Only the high apples would do for her

 

The gang!! Cannot be at an apple farm and not try out the product 

One of my favorites! Wish they all had looked at the camera. But they were too distracted.
Olivia (9 1/2) Emma-James (6 1/2) Owen (4 1/2) Ezme (3) Oliver (2)

 

Comparison

What do you think? Not much has really changed in the last 6 weeks. I only wish I had taken more pictures to see how much little girl was growing and how much my belly changed. Cannot turn back time. But at least I have a few more pictures to take of her inside before she makes her grand entrance outside.

Both my doctor and myself think that they change in "belly" represents her either being sideways or head down. Hence the bit more pregnant look in weeks 26 and 30. Lets just hope she stays head down. It might means mommy is a bit more uncomfortable. But in the end, it saves me from a c-section I really want to avoid.

 

Favorite Car Seat!

Lets face it. With 6 kids I have had my fair share of car seats. Everything from the $20 dollar hand-me-down to the expensive (to us) Nautilus. While I have loved each and every one of them. I have finally found something I truly love, appreciate and thank heavens it was invented. As a parent of more then 2 children and a van that holds up to 6 kids. I needed car seats that could easily fit together without the hassle of space provided. All the other car seats I have looked at are too bulky at the end leaving very little room for another car seat or even booster seat to sit next too.

Until.............

We we went for our 18 week ultrasound and found a car seat that we really loved in a magazine at the doctors office. It was perfect for our family. And even showed a picture of 3 seats fitting in the back row of a Toyota Sienna comfortably. I WAS SOLD IMMEDIATELY!!

I was even lucky to see a friend using one for her daughter and she told me that she was in love as well. And wish they had them out when her first child was born. I knew immediately with a new baby on the way, this car seat was the way to go. So I did my research. Found that a good portion of the seat is made of steal. So its HEAVY!!! But that it was good for babies 5 llbs - 120 lbs. Even better. The only down fall. They were running well over $300 per seat. Times that by 3 kids who needed them. Well you can do the math. It just wasn't going to work.

One afternoon in July though I started looking around for the cheapest seats I could find. Bargain I was hoping for. And just my luck. They had the car seat on a website for 200 dollars. I was in love. I immediately ordered 2. One for Ezme and one for Oliver. In fact, I loved it so much that I just ordered my last one for Owen which he will use for the next year or so until he is tall enough to go to a booster. And then the new baby will be able to use it once she is old enough. I am so excited. So if you are crunched for space like myself, looking for something that really fits a van like the one I have and want something safe and compact. I would say look into these.

   

Diono RadianR100 Convertible Car Seat

My New Purchases!

Jason and I have been doing so well with our fiances not to mention long hours at work for Jason resulting in extra hours and more money. And my continuing job nannying. That we decided to get a few things. A few were needed but some were wanted. Jason was sweet and worked the extra hours just to purchase two of the items just for me. I have had my eye on them for awhile now, but never would have bought them myself. It was really thoughtful of him. LOVE YOU SWEETIE.  So here are the items that we have purchased that should be arriving in the mail TOMORROW!

The first is my NEW CAMERA! Jason's old camera that was part his he purchased and part his mom she gave him. Just had its final days in February after taking a nasty but accidental spill off the shoe shelf. It basically left it useless to take pictures or to focus leaving us camera-less since. The only way we could capture important life events was through Jason's cell phone. And it really wasn't working for me. This camera though will not only take fantastic pictures. But allow me to video record the kids being silly and post it for all of you lovely folks to see. Its the Fujifilm FinePix HS30EXR Digital Camera. We did a lot of research on this and found that for what I want it should end up being a pretty good camera for us to use. We were also looking at a Cannon as well. But decided that will be a purchase later down the line. For now though, I am excited to see what my new camera will do for me tomorrow. And it will give me must enough time to figure it out before its intended use.....Taking pictures of the new baby.

Next is my new stroller. In purple!! Isn't it beautiful. Its the new CITY SELECT double stroller with infant bassinet. I am really excited about this because it also will come with a boogy board for Ezme to use as well. And its the first stroller I have found that allows us to use the bassinet and a regular seat for the older child all in one. We plan on using the bassinet too for when we are around the house or on vacation as its a portable crib for the first 6 months as well. I really love the versatility of this stroller and the fact that unlike my countors, it is more compact and easier to push. Not to mention I wont feel like I am pushing a limo around the stores anymore. My only regret was I didn't know about this stroller sooner!! It would have been great to use when Ezme and Oliver were little. I highly recommend anyone looking for a new stroller to think about this one. All the reviews I have read have given it 5 stars.


 The last item is my much needed and much wanted IPAD!!! I have been trying to save for this since I started working last year. But I always prioritize kids clothes, books, bills, husbands clothes, etc. Before indulging into anything "extra." This time though hubby worked some extra hours and bills and everything were finally caught up that he said it was much needed and much deserved. This is a 32g new generation Ipad which should be arriving in the mail sometime next week. I have wanted one for two big reason. To read. As I am a big reader and two, so I can have something to use in bed after the baby arrives. I plan on being downstairs a lot too. But this will come in handy at night when she is awake for feedings and I just want to snuggle in bed instead of going downstairs. I am also planning on purchasing a new ipod in the next few weeks for everyday outdoor use as my other one is about to loose its life. It will also be for the kids too when we are driving long distances to watch movies via our tv's in the car.


 
Thank you hubby for these!! I cannot wait to use them in the next day/week. LOVE YOU!!

8 MONTHS!!!!!

32 weeks and 3 days
32 weeks and not slowing down. I have reached the 8th month! I am just about ready! The ergo carrier came in today, which BTW is SO ADORABLE!! Its brown with pink tulips on it. Couldn't have asked for anything more "girly" then that. Best part, I managed to score it brand new in the box with tags still on it for only $79 dollars. Including shipping!! Way to go me!

I am still going strong around the house. Though now that little miss "E" has positioned herself squarely head down and nestled into my bladder, its a bit harder to breath and even more harder to bend over and pick things up off the floor. So I am relaying more on the kids and hubby to do the low ends while I concentrate on everything else. I have pretty much left the bathroom cleaning to Jason. Its too hard to bend over and smell the cleaning products and not want to gag. So its officially his job now. I am willing to still do everything else while I am feeling good. Including laundry. Though he has been a pretty huge help in that department. Making sure a load goes in before work and before bed. I just have to find the motivation to start folding everything again and putting it away. I have said it once, and million times after that. I cannot WAIT until we get our family closet. Wash, fold, iron, put away. All in the same room. Heaven I tell you! Heaven.

I am feeling really great about the things I am accomplishing these days. Though the weekends are never long enough, I am still getting things done here and there during the week. Even with work, the kids end up playing together in the mornings before lunch. Leaving me a large chunk of time to get phone calls and any important items out of the way. I wouldn't say I am in "nesting" mode this time around. I would call it more like "SURVIVAL MODE." Making sure that Jason is still able to work even after baby comes is vital. Especially with 2 kids in school full time and myself now working full time. It puts a lot more strain on him as he has to leave work early everyday to pick up the girls from school. Giving me enough time to pick up "J" from the bus stop 6 houses away down the street. Its crazy. But I keep telling myself its only temporary. And the extra money every week is a HUGE HELP.

I have scheduled all appointments for everyone from now until I hit the 35 week mark. Making the biggest bulk of appointments the first week of October. I just finished making a master plan for anyone who takes the kiddos while I am in the hospital. Including the schedules for the extra boys. I am now just working on last minute details around the house. I have decided to keep my job until either we move, or it becomes to much for me to handle. I am saddened that I wont get to have the extra special one-on-one time bonding with this new little one as I have had in the past. But weighing the PRO's and CON's of working vs. not working. I decided that right now, the income was a great incentive. Plus the hours couldn't be beat. And best of all, I probably wouldn't get another chance of finding a job that would give me the opportunity of being with MY KIDS all day every day and still earning a paycheck. It was really the best option for us and our family. At least for now.

I have ordered the last few items on my check list. Owen's new car seat should arrive sometime next week. We loved the ones we ordered so much for the "twins" that we decided it was a good investment to order the same one for Owen and then use it for the new baby when she is old enough. I ordered my new camera (Finally) which I am so excited for. It was due time as we haven't had a working camera in the house since February. With the new little one arriving in a few weeks. It will give me some time to get use to it before we really will need it. Then hubby surprised me by ordering my new stroller which should arrive by Friday!!! It will be perfect for all 3 kiddos to use as it has a boogy board for the older one to stand on. Its especially handy since Ezme is in between wanting to sit or walk. Hubby also ordered a new Ipad for me too! Something I have needed and wanted for a few years now. He told me it was a late Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary present. It should arrive sometime next week. I am so very excited. The last two big ticket items are a new Ipod for me. My new (old) one is just about to kick the bucket. It isn't taking a charge anymore and because I use this for everyday use it really is vital that I don't spend a huge amount of time without one. We are also planning on purchasing a new dishwasher in the next few weeks as well. We have just about had it with the one we currently own. And have decided that its more important to have one after the baby comes, then it is to wait until we move. Jason was also lucky to find some information in regards to our current GE dishwasher that might allow us to get it replaced for free, and if not, then at least a nice rebate will be offered. So either way, its a good deal.

For now I am enjoying watching and feeling the summer slowly turn into fall. Things are starting to come into place and I am feeling great still. I cannot complain about life these days. I am very blessed!

Whats Left?

Since we are planning on a possible early delivery I am trying to get everything out of the way and ready before I hit 35 weeks. My goal is to leave the last 2 weeks before I hit the 37 week mark to do odds and ends around the house and just focus on work. So help me figure out what I might be missing or needing to do. Stars represent things I have done.

* Put crib together
* Make dust ruffle for crib
   Make bumper pad for crib
* Organize baby clothes and put away newborn, 0-3, 3-6 months
   Purchase diapers and wipes
* Purchase new car seat
* Organize Ezme's winter clothes
   Organize Owen's winter clothes
* Organize Oliver's winter clothes
   Finish making and packing Diaper Bag
   Pack Hospital Bag
* Purchase or Order Ergo
* Make appointments for Grace to get fixed
* Make vet appointment for Chloe
* Make eye appointments for *Jason, , Owen, Ezme and Oliver
   Clean and sterilize bottles and nipples
   Make sure bills are paid
   Make sure fridge and pantry are stocked for the first 2 weeks home

I know I have gone through this at least 6 other times. But for some reason. I just cannot remember if I have forgotten anything important or not. So help me out. What am I forgetting?

31 weeks 1 day and Ultrasound

No pictures today. I was hoping to get one this morning before I left for my day of appointments. But time didn't work in my favor and I ended up just forgetting by the time the kids came home from school. This is why we need a camera. It will free up having to worry about relaying on Jason's cell phone. Otherwise I completely forget to ask him. Next week though, promise.

Today I had a growth scan for Miss "E" I knew for sure she had moved head down as I have been more uncomfortable and "heavy" in the front. I was almost positive that she had a major growth spurt as well as I just seemed "bigger"though when I measured myself at home, I still showed being about 4 weeks behind. I went into the office with big dreams only to have the technician (who also is a nurse practitioner) tell me after taking measurements twice that she had fallen behind even further since my last visit at 26 weeks 2 days. Here are the stats:

26 weeks 2 days Wednesday August 1st: Baby measured 2.2 pounds and was in the 49% a bit below average but well within reason and we weren't too concerned. Enough to get another ultrasound at 3 weeks. Outside measurement was 24 weeks.

31 weeks 1 day Tuesday September 4th: Baby measured 3.1 pounds and was in the 25% and my fluid level was 9. Though this is an ok fluid level at this time. They really wanted to see an 11 or better. Outside measurement was 27 weeks. At this time baby should be weighing in the 3.8-4 lbs range.

When speaking to the nurse practitioner who did my ultrasound I told her that I just had a feeling that this baby was going to be making a entrance much earlier. I mentioned that I had made no plans, doctors appointments for the kids, husband or animals, etc. after 36 weeks and that I was starting to get things together and finished before then too. She said it was probably a very good idea.

I had the opportunity to have a doctors appointment with my doctor afterwards and we spoke at length about what could be an issue as far as her growth goes. I will have another repeat ultrasound in 3 weeks. If she is still below average, falls off the charts or just doesn't gain a good amount of weight by then. Then we will do an induction around 37-38 weeks. My biggest concern is my placenta is not functioning properly therefore isn't giving the proper nutrients baby needs to grow. We know unlike Anabelle who stopped growing because of her genetic issues, we are not really 100% sure why this one isn't. Though secretly I am happy to have a little baby. I have heard that it makes nursing a bit harder, but because I will actually be able to have the supply for the demand, I think it will help us both with not only bonding, but being able to successfully nurse.

For the time being, nothing has been asked of me as far as changing my diet or best rest. She told me to just go on with my normal activities. There isn't much I can do now. We have calculated though that baby could weigh between 5.7 pounds - 6.8 pounds by delivery. This is taking into account that she gains about .5 ounces everyday for the next 53 days (I have 60 days to go, but take 7 off because my doctor will not let me go past 39 weeks. period.)

For the time being though. We wait. In 3 weeks I will be 34 weeks. I will have one more ultrasound at 37 weeks and then we will possibly have an induction during that time. I could be holding this little girl in as few as 5 weeks!! EEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!