Friday, May 14, 2010


Ugh, as the time approaches to this little's arrival. I find myself getting more and more nervous. Usually I have a good (almost) 2 years between births. But with this one so close and less then a year from delivering Ezme, I find that my nerves are getting the best of me. Everything under the sun has hit my head on more then one occasion.

* What if I have to have a c-section (my first ever)
* What if something happens to me (bleed out, need hysterectomy, or worse, I DIE)
* What if I need an epidural again and the pain is as excruciating as it was with Ezme. Do I suffer through painful contractions, or get the epidural?
* What if the baby has to go to the NICU?
* What if we can't get someone down here in time to watch the kiddos?
* What if the baby comes early and the house isn't cleaned or prepared?
* How will everyone fit in the car?
* How will I do my errands, grocery shop, teach Olivia, etc. with a new baby?
* How will I handle two Girl Scout troops?
* How will Ezme take being the "bigger sister" and no longer the baby? She didn't get very much baby/mommy time
* Will I be okie if this is our "last" baby?
* What if I want more, what will others say?
* What if medically we cannot have more? How will I do/feel?
* How will we handle 5 kiddos in our small house?
* How will we handle vacations, trips, outing with 5 kiddos?
* How will simple things like laundry, dishes, house cleaning, and such get done?
* Etc. Etc. Etc

For the most part, I am just being completely ridiculous with this list. For me at least, I think I am worrying just to worry. I am not worried about how I will handle the kids in the car, or outings and grocery shopping. I am not worried about Ezme missing out on more Mommy/Ezme time as I think she will handle it just fine. I am not worried about vacations or outings as one more kiddo is one more kiddo. I have had up to 6 before, so its not a big deal. It's the bigger picture that I am worried about. The unknowns. The what if's? With only 16ish weeks left (give or take a week) I am just feeling overwhelmed and that things on my list are just not going to get done. I know that they will, but in my head, it just feels a bit overwhelming. I think I need to spend more time on the things that CAN be accomplished, and less on the bigger picture. Though if you know me, that's a pretty hard thing to do. So if your in the same boat as me, or have suggestions, I would love to hear them.

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